Plenty of people freak out over upcoming drug tests. See, companies today are getting smarter: giving people less time to prepare, stricter testing conditions, that sort of thing—and to top it all off the technology going into these drug tests are getting more and more sophisticated by the year. They’re getting harder to fool and have bigger consequences if you fail them.
But luckily for us, if you’re worried you might fail your drug test, there are some steps you can take to ensure that you get a passing grade. Enter Monkey Whizz, one of the leading synthetic urine kits on the market. Easy to get, reliable to use, and with plenty of satisfied customers.
Here’s a rundown of what Monkey Whizz is made of, how to use it, and why it just works.
What is Monkey Whizz?
Monkey Whizz is fake pee. Sounds simple, but don’t be fooled: the flask that you’re getting contains some of the latest research and development in the drug testing world to help you overcome that pesky urine test.
See, the testers caught on to the hustle, drug tests can now analyze and reject fake pee.
But the bright minds over at the Monkey Whizz realized one very simple thing: Somewhere out there was a formula out there (that is not real pee!) that testing companies use to check if their machines were in working order—and if such a formula exists, then it is possible to beat the test without real pee.
Monkey Whizz actually managed to find the exact recipe that drug testers used to quality check the machines, and a couple of adjustments later they came up with Monkey Whizz.
How Do Drug Tests Work Anyway?
You might be wondering as to why urine drug tests are so commonplace anyway. There are generally two reasons:
One, corporations don’t have time to thoroughly test everyone, and urine samples are relatively easy to collect.
Two, drugs show up in urine ALL THE TIME. It’s easy to detect drugs in urine since most drugs aren’t native to the human body—and they need to be excreted somehow otherwise we’d never get sober.
The bright side is that urine tests are rather easy to fool. Sometimes you don’t even need fake pee since they have a tendency to turn up false positives from time to time. But if you need a guarantee, then Monkey Whizz should be the first place you look.
So What’s Inside Monkey Whizz?
The secret to Monkey Whizz is their formula. Other fake urine products in the market can easily be detected because… well, they’re fake. Our body produces a lot of stuff that appears in our pee that substandard products can’t easily replicate.
However, Monkey Whizz has all of that covered and then some. Their formula contains creatinine, pH compounds, and uric acid—the building block that makes human pee what it is. As laboratory tests often check for these kinds of compounds once you hand over your sample, you can rest easy knowing that it’ll check out with no red flags at all.
In fact, the formulation is so lifelike, Monkey Whizz synthetic urine even grows the bacteria that you’d expect to see in human pee. Serious Monkey Bizzness is hella serious about quality—it looks, tests, and grows like the real thing, so you know that these guys really know their stuff.
Where Can I Get Monkey Whizz?
For the most part, unless you get lucky in a sex shop, you’re only going to find Monkey Whizz online. Make sure to take shipping into account and give yourself plenty of time to prepare for the test.
The Monkey Whizz packaging is discreet, so if by some miracle someone sees you getting your Monkey Whizz in the mail, they won’t suspect a thing. The good people over at Monkey Whizz know that their product isn’t something you’d want to wave around.
A quick word of advice though: Monkey Whizz DOES have an expiry date. Make sure to sync the date of your testing with the date of delivery and your test. The only thing worse than getting caught handing fake pee is getting caught handing fake EXPIRED pee. Embarrassing, yes, but at that point, it’ll be the least of your troubles.
How to Use Monkey Whizz
Monkey Whizz is probably one of the easiest synthetic urine products to use. They’ve very thoughtfully packed everything you’ll need into one easy box with a nice set of instructions for you to follow.
However, if you want a more personal account, here’s what I usually do when the testing day rolls around:
- First, I make sure everything I need is in the box. That would be the flask containing my fake urine, a cotton belt for transport, organic heating pads, a temperature strip, and the manual.
- Second, I use the heat pad on the flask and then tie it to my leg using the cotton belt. Sure enough, it starts to warm my sample. We’ll talk about why this is important later.
- Third, I drive to my appointment at least an hour before my turn. That’s how long it takes for the temperature to warm the sample to optimal levels.
- Fourth, I go in, make sure that the sample is at acceptable levels by checking the temperature strip. The ideal number is something between 90 to 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Fifth, I dump the sample into my collection capsule, hand it over to the testers, and give them a little goodbye wave.
It’s that simple. No fuss, no fancy stirring, no measuring cups. All you need is the flask, the temperature strips, a little sleight of hand and some good old-fashioned confidence.
Hang On, What’s That Heating Pad For?
So one of the questions that I get asked a lot is if the heating pads are really necessary. The short answer is yes. Why? It’s because that’s what pee is supposed to be like.
See, since our pee is stored in our body for a while before it gets expelled, it takes on our body’s temperature. And since our bladder is near the core of our body, it can actually get surprisingly hot in there. That’s why pee is warm when you go take a leak.
Of course, this is going to be old news to anyone who still remembers what it’s like to pee your pants in school, but the guys who never did might have some trouble realizing this before they hand over your sample. I can’t stress this enough: YOUR SAMPLE HAS TO BE WARM OR YOU WILL BE CAUGHT.
Fortunately for you, Monkey Whizz can hold its heat up to 8 hours with the strip still attached. So even if you get a delay in the testing process or get stuck in traffic, you should have plenty of time to get there with a “fresh” sample. You can even microwave it for 20 seconds if you want to be extra sure!
What Other Things Can I Do?
Of course, there are some of us who won’t be content with just using fake pee. If you’re feeling a little gutsy or paranoid, there are some other things you can try to pass your test:
- Go on a cleanse or detox to flush the drug toxins out of your system. This may take some time to pull off, but hey, if you can do it, it’s a surefire way of passing.
- Find out when the drug test will be in advance. A lot of companies are sneaky about when exactly these tests will be done, but asking the right questions to the right people can ping you in advance
- Lay off the drugs for a while. If you do know that your drug test is upcoming, then lay off the drugs till it’s over! It’ll only be for a few days, and you really shouldn’t be taking any chances.
There are plenty more options on what else you can use aside from fake pee, but Monkey Whizz is a tried-and-tested formulation that’s more than enough to get you to pass. Just make sure to not mess with the sample in any way aside from using the heating strip, and you’re good to go!
Go Monkey Around With Monkey Whizz!
I’ve been through this all before, and Monkey Whizz has saved my tail multiple times! I can tell you that you aren’t sunk because of some silly drug test—Monkey Whizz is here to help! Just a little time, effort, and some cash can save you from a lot of trouble.