It’s been a hard time for recreational users. While society has made great strides in legalizing and normalizing some of the finest goods on the market, HR seems to have missed the memo. They hit their employees with every trick in the book, from pre-employment drug screening tests to random drug tests that make everyone a suspect. Any single one of these could spell doom for a user’s job opportunities.
That doesn’t mean that all hope is lost, though! After all, hiding recreational drug use is one of the great American pastimes, and the only thing that’s changed is that the technology has gotten better. One of the best innovations to come out in this field is synthetic urine, and it may just be the product that saves your job.
In this article, we explore the wonderful world of fake pee—what it is, where to get it, and what the best product out there is in our opinion. Read on to find out how to ensure your job security with one of these products, and give you the peace of mind that you’ll always be able to pass a test!
What is Synthetic Urine?
Synthetic urine is exactly what it says on the tin: A product that’s designed to imitate the composition of human urine. Its main uses are calibration of lab tests for urinalysis, and fooling drug tests by passing as a clean urine sample that doesn’t contain any drug-related metabolites.
Synthetic urine isn’t necessarily chemically identical to real urine. Rather, its composition matches the chemical makeup of urine in exactly the ways that matter to drug tests. This is important because if a fake urine sample doesn’t look like urine, then the test will discover this and the user will be outed as a fake pee user trying to avoid a positive result, which may or may not look worse than simply failing the test with one’s real pee.
The Best Synthetic Urine On The Market
We’ve given you the pros and cons, the whats and whys, and the what-to-look-for. Now, given all these factors, what’s the best synthetic pee?
#1. Quick Fix Plus
Our absolute WINNER is Quick Fix Synthetic Urine! In your travels on the Internet, you’ve probably come across this brand a lot. That’s because everyone else seems to recommend it, and for good reason.
Based on our expertise, we’ve conducted independent reviews, and have come to the same conclusion. Quick Fix is effective, cheap, and easy to use. Each kit comes with pretty much everything you need to pass a drug test, and detailed instructions so you don’t miss out on anything.
Quick Fix’s manufacturer uses a tried and tested laboratory process that creates a synthetic pee of exactly the right pH level, chemical makeup, specific gravity, and balance of every other characteristic that real urine should have. It also comes pre-mixed with urea and uric acid, so you’re guaranteed even more authenticity.
Every Quick Fix kit comes with a bottle of synthetic urine, a heat pack that actually chemically generates the correct temperature for your urine sample, and a temperature strip that measures between 90 and 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
How to Use Quick Fix
Using Quick Fix is easy. To start, pop open the cap on the urine sample and toss it in the microwave for ten seconds. That should be enough to bring it to the correct temperature. If no microwave is available, attach the heating pad to the bottle for one hour.
After this, shake the contents of the bottle (don’t forget to close it first), and then use the temperature strip to determine the temperature. The boxes from 90 to 100F should be bold in color. Once you’re in the 94 to 100F range, you’re good to go.
Strap the heating pad and urine bottle together to keep it warm for a couple of hours, and ensure that it’s also near your body for concealment. When you’re ready to produce your sample for the drug test, double-check the temperature to ensure that you’re in the correct range.
At the test, you can pour the Quick Fix Synthetic Pee directly into the cup. If you’re expecting a nosy observer, though, you can prepare a fake penis to get the job done and look fabulous while you’re at it. It’s that simple.
Where to Buy Quick Fix
Quick Fix’s manufacturer warns that there are NO authorized resellers on Amazon, eBay, and other discounted sites of their product. Some of these products are cheaper than the MSRP, and customers who’ve ordered them ended up getting either expired products, or completely different products than that was advertised. If you want to get Quick Fix safely and securely, your best bet is to use their official site.
Why Not Substitute Urine From Someone Else?
One option that people consider is to just ask for urine from someone else who is clean. A friend or family member, perhaps.
However, you’d need to find someone without any moral qualms of committing fraud with your urine. You’ll also need to find someone who’s willing to supply you with their urine in the first place.
On top of that, you have no guarantee that the other person is clean themselves, especially if your friendship circle is the kind to use recreationally.
You might consider getting urine from someone unsuspectingly, but that’s pretty much impossible without holding a cup under their plumbing, and you’ll need to get a pretty good amount of it too for it to be valid for a drug test. It’s also pretty terrible without consent.
How about a child? Well, you could do that, but you’d also be kind of a dick. That’s pretty much exploiting a child for your own gains. And if they understand what you’re doing, then you’re a very bad role model that basically tells them to commit fraud as they please.
And let’s not forget that on top of all this, if you actually manage to get a clean sample from someone else, you’re going to have to act fast and keep it warm until you actually get tested. Fresh urine doesn’t have a very long shelf life!
There are actually products out there that consist of real, tested, human donor urine that are stored safely in vials and can be frozen for up to a year. They’re prohibitively expensive compared to synthetic urine, however, and aren’t that much more effective!
What About Urine Additives?
Besides human error in preparation, one potential concern with low-quality synthetic urine products is that they might lack some ingredients in actual urine, and thus be flagged as fraudulent urine samples. To address this, other manufacturers produce urine additives that can break down the drug metabolites that are found in urine. To use these, you actually create a sample of your own urine, and then add the additive to it and combine the solution for around 90 minutes.
Unlike adulterants, the urine additives themselves are claimed to be undetectable in drug tests, and won’t flag you for a fraudulent sample. However, the problem with additives is that they take time to be effective, and might not completely neutralize the drug compounds in a “hot” sample if you don’t mix them for a long enough time. This means that you’re still at risk for a positive test!
Where Can You Get Synthetic Urine
You have wondered are there stores that sell synthetic urine near me? The answer is yes. However, the best places to get synthetic urine are the online stores of your favorite manufacturers and authorized sellers. These are the most likely to guarantee the real, unexpired thing.
You can also get synthetic urine from head shops in jurisdictions that allow for the sale of synthetic urine, or generally in states that have legalized drug use.
Some big chains like Walmart actually have synthetic urine, but this isn’t designed to pass drug tests. Instead, it’s for animal control, as we’ve mentioned above.
How is Fake Pee Used?
Drug tests are often administered prior to employment in order to screen users, and also randomly throughout an office to check for any case of usage. Many drugs leave a detectable signature in your urine for several days, and some can last as long as a month! The metabolites that they leave in your urine can be found in lab tests.
To pass these tests, recreational users who are caught off-guard and haven’t had time to abstain will use synthetic urine and try to sneak it into their pee sample cup.
Synthetic pee comes in either liquid form or as a dehydrated powder that you mix in distilled water. All synthetic pee must be heated in the microwave or with an included warming pad, in order to bring it up to the proper temperature of just under 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
Who Makes Synthetic Piss?
A great irony in the synthetic urine industry is that the best products are made by turncoats. You read that right—the top fake pee manufacturers used to make synthetic urine to calibrate the very same lab tests that they’re trying to fool. It makes perfect sense: They know exactly what the drug tests look for in pee, and so they make a product that matches these exactly.
You could also make synthetic pee at home by getting the ingredients and mixing them together in exactly the right proportions, but this is a time-consuming process that could easily go wrong. It’s definitely better to buy synthetic pee from a trusted manufacturer.
What’s Inside Fake Pee?
Each of the ingredients in fake pee may either potentially be tested for by urinalysis tests, or contribute to the authenticity of the sample in terms of color and smell.
Urine is more than 95% water, and it’s important to use water that doesn’t contain any adulterants in it that could mess up the composition or introduce abnormal compounds that would be flagged by drug tests. That means mineral and tap water are out, and very pure, distilled water is the best choice.
It’s important to use exactly the correct proportion of water, or else one of two things will happen: a sample will be rejected for being too dilute, or the potency of the chemicals within will be too great, flagging it as fraudulent.
Albumin is a protein that is found in urine, and is part of the reason why urine bubbles and foams up when it’s fresh, or a sample is shaken. Albumin powder, either derived from bovine serum or egg products, is added to urine to reproduce this behavior, and so that it can show up in drug tests.
Sodium chloride, also known by its chemical formula of NaCl or as common table salt, is found in a relatively high concentration in urine. Your body’s primary mechanism of ridding itself of salt is by passing it through urine. In synthetic urine, sodium chloride is added to the mix in a proportion that’s consistent with the normal range of salt content of urine.
Urinalysis often tests for potassium levels in your urine. The electrolyte potassium chloride is added to synthetic urine to get the right levels that will be tested.
Urine also has specific phosphate content, and adding sodium phosphate to synthetic urine can help fool the drug tests by showing up as an appropriate phosphate level.
Creatinine is synthesized from creatine phosphate, which muscles use as part of their metabolism. Creatinine levels don’t vary very much over a 24-hour period unless an excessive amount of water has been taken, so they can be used to determine if a test subject is trying to fool the drug test by drinking a lot of water.
Creatinine is added to fake urine in the correct levels so that it looks like a normal, average, everyday pee sample that doesn’t have any drugs in it, no sir, I don’t smoke at all.
Some chemicals can destroy the drug metabolites that are found in urine, which can help with fooling a test. Drug companies have wised up and also test for these chemicals to see if someone’s trying to mess with their pee.
Nitrites in urine are a byproduct of using certain adulterants that break down cannabinoid compounds in urine. A normal urine sample doesn’t have nitrites, so finding them in a drug test can alert a lab to an attempt to fool the test.
A chemical found in some adulterants, glutaraldehyde can mess with the enzymes that certain drug screening tests use and produce a false negative result. Companies now test for glutaraldehyde, too, because it’s not normally found in urine and is evidence of tampering.
Bleach and Hydrogen Peroxide
These oxidizers can destroy a lot of drug metabolites and fool drug tests. Labs test for them because no living human should have bleach or peroxide in their pee.
Let’s compare the above best fake pee ingredients to normal constituents of human urine by going through the slides below.
What to Look For in a Good Fake Piss
When it comes to fake pee, it’s important to get it right the first time, and every single time. A failed drug test with a positive drug result can be bad, but it’s not necessarily the end of the world with your job. Oftentimes, you’ll be given a chance to get clean, with regular follow-up tests.
However, a drug test that detects a fake urine sample, whether it’s because you didn’t prepare your fake pee properly or because of a low-quality product, is potentially worse. Many states will slap you with a fine or even prison time if you’re found using a synthetic urine product to cheat on your drug test.
You must be diligent with your preparations, and more importantly, you have to choose a good synthetic pee product that won’t fail you. Here are some things to look out for.
Uric acid is well-known to sufferers of gout as the compound that makes their feet hurt. For everyone else, it’s a normal part of urine, and is often tested by urinalysis labs. Not all synthetic urine contains uric acid, and the absence of it can be a flag for a fraudulent drug test, so make sure your synthetic urine of choice has it!
When you submit your test, it’s important that you heat it to the correct temperature of 90-100 degrees, or very close to average human body temperature. Some products just ask you to toss them in the microwave and call it a day, but this comes with its own difficulties. If you overheat your sample, which is very easy to do accidentally, then you might break down the compounds in your fake pee sample, which may flag you as trying to cheat the test!
The best synthetic pee comes with a heating pad that you can use to press your sample against your body, which will slowly warm the sample up to your body temperature. This is a safer way of doing things, as there is no risk of overheating, and your sample will stay at the right temperature up until you actually need to use it.
You never know when you’re going to be faced with a random drug test, and by then it’s often too late to purchase a fake pee kit. That’s why you need to have a kit with you all the time, and the longer it can be left unattended, the better!
Many synthetic urine products last a couple of months, but the best are guaranteed for up to three years of service. You should store synthetic urine in a shaded, room-temperature area without direct sunlight.
Keep in mind that the shelf life of synthetic urine is different from the shelf life of actual pee samples, which can also come in liquid form and powdered form.
You have wondered are there stores that sell synthetic urine near me? The short answer is yes. As more and more people want to buy synthetic urine, so too do the fake stores and dealers come out of the woodwork to try and sell false products to hapless consumers. They attract customers looking to cheap out and buy the best fake pee at the cheapest possible prices, but they actually provide fraudulent, knockoff, low-quality or expired products in exchange.
If a dealer is selling your product of choice for way too low below the MSRP, then it’s best to do research on them and check for site reviews and user feedback before you proceed.
And really—your job security hangs in the balance here! Don’t risk getting a bad product just to save a couple of dollars. Get from trusted sellers, or better yet, order from the official site.
How to Use Fake Pee to Cheat a Drug Test
So we’ve got the basics out of the way: Drug tests check urine samples for drug metabolites, and fake pee is designed to look like real pee, but without a chance of testing positive.
If you have the right product, how do you use it?
The answer begins with warming. As we’ve described, fake pee must be around 90-100 degrees Fahrenheit, or approximately human body temperature. This part makes sense, after all, urine is stored inside you!
To get fake pee to this temperature, prepare the heating pad by shaking it a little, then attach it to the included waist belt. Cut the plastic tube to the desired length, and loop it around your waist, ensuring that it’s completely obscured by your clothes. Fasten the clips and ensure that the temperature strip, which indicates the correct temperature for your urine sample, is pressed against your bare skin. This process will both warm and conceal your synthetic urine.
This normally should be done around an hour before the test, but if you’re incredibly pressed for time, you can toss the fake urine sample in a microwave for ten seconds at the lowest power, then proceed with the above waist belt procedure. This should get it up to the right temperature.
When it’s finally time to produce the sample, simply undo your waist belt and empty the fake pee into the cup. This is possible even if you have someone watching you, as they’ll usually allow you to turn around for privacy. By keeping your belt secured in the right place, you’ll be able to maneuver the fake pee out of sight and into the sample cup.
However, in the case of a helicopter supervisor hovering inappropriately over you, there’s an option that can help you hide the goods: a fake penis.
Click here to learn more on how to pass the urine drug test with flying colors.
A Fake Penis???
Yeah, like a strap-on, except it’s not used (primarily) for kinky activity. Fake penises like the Monkey Dong and Whizzinator are marketed as sex toys that are filled with fake urine and squeezed to simulate peeing, but we all know what they’re really meant for.
These fake penises look and even feel just like the real thing, and come with a waist belt, a temperature strip, a syringe to load up the penis, and a heating pad. The penis itself contains a reservoir for the fake pee. It’s basically an all-in-one drug test fooling kit.
Using a fake penis is best for when you know that you’re going to be watched pretty closely. It’s easy to use!
Start an hour or so before the test by opening up the valve and filling it up with the synthetic urine. Then, strap it on close to your groin, making sure that the heating pad is close to your body. Watch the temperature strip to be sure. When the time comes, reveal your fake penis, carefully open the valve without arousing suspicion, and let ‘er rip by squeezing out the synthetic pee from your synthetic dong.
Fake penises for drug testing are some of the most racially inclusive and socially-aware products on the market. They come with a variety of options for skin color, providing every customer with a penis that feels just right for them. Unfortunately, most of them only come in one size.
Powdered or Liquid?
Synthetic urine comes in two variants: Dehydrated powdered form and liquid form. There’s always a lot of discussion as to which one is better, so we’ll list down the pros and cons and leave it to you to decide.
The liquid form of synthetic pee is fairly straightforward. It’s a solution of distilled water and the chemicals that drug labs test in urinalysis. If it’s a high-quality product, it looks and smells exactly as human urine would.
Liquid pee is relatively sensitive to its storage environment. Depending on the kind of product, either it can be stored in a cool, dry place with no direct sunlight, or it needs to be frozen. Regardless, its shelf life depends on these environmental factors.
The advantage of liquid pee is that it’s already premixed and requires no additional preparation besides warming, which means that the risk of over-diluting or over-concentrating the solution is zero, unless you have a low-quality product.
Powdered synthetic pee is chemically identical to liquid synthetic urine, only that it’s been dehydrated and must be mixed with an appropriate quantity of distilled water prior to the test.
Powdered synthetic pee can be stored nearly indefinitely in much more varied conditions than liquid synthetic pee, and only truly begins to degrade after it’s been mixed with water. As a result, it has a much longer shelf life as well. Of course, once the mixture has been created, you don’t have long to use it before it spoils.
The main disadvantage of synthetic pee is that it requires preparation, and getting the mix wrong will potentially have your sample flagged as fraudulent. Many powdered synthetic urine kits come with a vial of distilled water that contains the exact amount you need to mix with the powder. However, some of them lack that vial, and rely on you to supply your own water in the correct amount.
This is where human error can come in. You could potentially mix the wrong amount of water, or use tainted water that contaminates your sample.
Other Uses for Synthetic Urine?
There are a great many uses for fake pee beyond trying to get past a drug test. Many of them are pretty legit, with science and industry benefiting from accurate synthetic urine products.
1. Lab Equipment Calibration
As we mentioned earlier, many synthetic urine manufacturers actually originally produced the substances that helped calibrate urinalysis lab tests in the first place.
There’s a lot of value in being able to perfectly replicate human urine for testing. You don’t have to keep asking people for their pee in order to get samples, and you take away random human variables such as disease, high uric acid content, or varying water intake. By having an exactly correct product that matches human urine in all the standard ways, you can calibrate lab instruments to the correct values for testing.
2. Kinky Stuff
Fake penises, fake pee… There’s a lot of urination fetish out there, and it’s typically safe because urine is said to be relatively sterile in the absence of infection. But people who want to engage in pee play as safely as possible can use synthetic urine as a placeholder for real pee. It looks, feels, and smells exactly like the real thing!
3. Animal Repellent/Bait
That’s right, repellent and bait. Hunters and horticulturists alike use all sorts of synthetic urine, both human and animal, for different purposes. Gardeners can use it to keep rodents and insects away from plants. Meanwhile, hunters use synthetic deer urine as bait for bucks.
4. Scientific Research
Wherever people go, there’s gonna be a lot of pee. That’s why scientists for long-term space missions have access to a lot of synthetic urine in order to test recycling equipment, to see how water and urine compounds can be reused in closed systems such as spacecraft and space stations.
No juvenile joke is complete without a little pee, but actual pee can be pretty nasty to work with. Getting synthetic pee gives you all the fun of a pee prank without the squick factor.
Is It Legal to Use Synthetic Pee?
Progressive, liberal policies have been dominating discussion for a couple of years now, and more and more states are opening their eyes to a reality that much of the civilized world has figured out: Aggressive drug policy simply doesn’t work. It puts otherwise good people in prison, wastes taxpayer money on execution, and throws away potential tax dollars on taxation.
Meanwhile, why does synthetic urine get lumped in with the rest of the drug policy? It has so many uses, and can even be made at home, so banning it is a heavy-handed approach that hurts more than just the occasional drug user in the workplace. Some have even banned fake penises—can you imagine a government going out of its way to ban a fake penis? You don’t have to—look up the original creators of the Whizzinator, Puck Technology. Fined, and sentenced to prison or probation.
It’s said that around 62% of workplaces require drug testing. You’ll encounter it too for insurance, doctor’s visits, applying for military service, and even for social security or public assistance. Having synthetic urine ready on hand is always a good idea for these things.
The rationale behind drug testing, other than the fact that drug use is illegal, is that drug users are thought to be less productive, more absent, or potentially more criminal due to secondary drug-related behavior. There isn’t much formal study to back these up, though, and are probably more fueled by prejudice than practice.
1. What do drug labs test for in synthetic urine?
There are two primary kinds of drug test.
The first and most common is the immunoassay test, which is used in instantaneous pre-employment screening. This doesn’t check for drugs, but rather checks for the interaction between the testee’s immune system and the drugs themselves.
The second is the Gas Chromatography-Mass Spectrometry (GC-MS) test, which is very accurate and can detect the levels of various drug metabolites in your urine.
Drug labs also check for chemical characteristics such as pH level, as well as physical characteristics like specific gravity. They also check creatinine levels, uric acid, phosphates, potassium, and sodium, just like a medical urinalysis test.
2. How do I store my synthetic urine?
It depends on the product instructions. Some synthetic urine products require you to refrigerate or even freeze them. Quick Fix can be stored at room temperature, but it must be kept away from direct sunlight.
3. How long does it take for drugs to be eliminated from my urine?
Most drugs are no longer detectable in your urine after 3-7 days. Cannabis however will still appear in your urine anywhere between 7 and 30 days after your last use. To be completely sure, you should use synthetic urine if you haven’t been clean for at least a month.
4. Can I pee in my own synthetic sample to avoid detection?
Don’t do this! Even a small amount of positive-testing pee in your sample will trigger the drug test. Don’t feel anxious when you’re pulling out your synthetic vials, the observer is usually looking away from your penis anyway so you have a good shot if you stay calm. If you’re not confident enough, use a fake penis!
Synthetic urine is a great solution if you’re a recreational user and are in danger of being tested randomly, or want to get into a job that looks down on these things. There’s no doubt about it, it’s pretty effective and isn’t hard at all to use.
That said, fake pee is merely a band-aid solution to an institutional problem that demonizes drugs and their users, without thinking about rehabilitation or the negative feedback loop of continually pushing drug users down by taking away their opportunities.
At the same time, remember that some places test for drugs for a reason. Let’s not beat around the bush here: Even marijuana does cause some degree of impairment, and that’s why truck drivers and heavy machine operators are tested, and should in fact never use drugs on the job! If you’re applying for these positions and are a heavy user, just find something else to do, for your own sake and the safety of others.